5 months, 2 days

Dear Coby,

Tomorrow, well since it is past midnight I guess it is today, you will be having your surgery.  I have packed up anything that we might need for your hospital stay and Nana is here with us to help me when I need it.  You can't eat any formula 8 hours before the surgery but can nurse up to 4 hours before.  You have to be in the hospital at 12 noon.  I am not going to leave the hospital until you do... So we are in for the long haul.  They said that you should be in for about 3 days.  Tonight, you are tossing and turning, unable to settle, almost like you know that something is going to happen. 

Your mama is a nervous wreck.  It is amazing that in 5 months and 2 days, such a little guy could become my whole universe.  I would not know what to do if anything happened to you.  Noni told me that her mother said to her when Daddy was born this:
"A baby's poop is like perfume, and screams like a song" and I know now what she means. 

 I need to see your eyes light up when you see my face.  I need your grumpy morning breath yelling to feed you first thing every day.  I need to feel you nuzzle in my armpit when you are sleepy.  I need your hands to wrap around mine when I check on you at night and you won't let go.  Those tiny spiderweb fingers are like super glue that I never want to remove.

I love the way that you grab my necklace while you drink, and grunt at me so I will feed your your cereal faster like a little caveman.  I love the way you jump- all the time, any time- because that is your favorite thing to do in the whole wide world.  The way that you get excited about the jump is a way that we should all aspire to be so excited about anything. 

You are my everything and I am a mess. 

I am going to snuggle you like I never want the morning to come.
I love you always and forever,
Mama